single holiday
Another Holiday season looms around the corner with all of its “family” this and “family” that. But what do you do if your family is no longer the traditional one? If you choose to look at it negatively, then please stop reading right now, and turn the page. There are many families that are not intact, but that does not have to mean the Holiday season has to be a struggle.
As I prepare for my third “single dad” Thanksgiving and Christmas, I try to think of all the positive aspects of my single life. You can dwell on the past good times, but that will only reflect in your attitude towards the kids. There is only one way to approach the Holidays…a big grin on your face from ear to ear. Start grinning late in November until after the New Year, and your children will thank you; then they will love you twice. Once for being unselfish and putting them first (isn’t that what we are suppose to do as parents?), and twice for going through a rough patch with a grin on your face instead of making everyone’s life miserable.
Below are ten strategies that might help make your Holidays a little more “family” oriented, even if your family is not what it used to be.
1- Trees that bend never break: Be flexible. That is it, even if that means you don’t have the kids to enjoy the entire holiday season. Or you may have to drive four hours and share them with your ex, just be flexible. The holidays are a good time to really focus on the kids and put them first.
2- Double your pleasure: You can think of it this way: Your kids can now have two of everything. Two Thanksgivings, two Christmas’s, and two New Years. That is not a bad deal for growing kids. When I was little, my goal during the holidays was two fold, and neither had anything to do with my family. One was the amount of gifts I was going to receive; the other was the amount of candy and sweets I was going to consume. If they can have double the pleasure, let them enjoy it.
3- The sweet side of singleness – freedom: Spending time without the kids does not have to mean not enjoying the season. Get together with your friends, throw a party, or do any of the social events that many married couples cannot do. Do keep in touch with the children though. They are going to expect you to do so.
4- Six steps, turn, and fire: You do not have to get in a competition with the other parent to out-do each other. Both of you are already stressed with all of the extra arrangements you have to take care of. Competing will only complicate matters.
5- Chipmunks save their nuts for the winter, you should too: Planning way in advance will result in a smooth season. Surprises are never easy any time they are encountered, more so during the Holiday season when the tension is at an all time high. Start pondering your split arrangements in the fall, and everyone will be happy. (You can always start in January like the after-Christmas sale, but you may not be able to hold on to those plans, just like the fact that you will not remember were you put that cheep gift-wrapping.)
6- Sir, yes sir: Being single does not mean you have to let go of the principle: The Parent-Centered Family. You are still in charge, and they have to do what you say. Off course you will plan Holiday events that will please them, but do not give up the reins to your kids just because you are single.
7- One is one, not two: Staying close helps while you are solo. While taking the kids to Disney World might be taxing for a single parent, going to the beach or making several day trips to closer destinations makes more sense. Even staying home can be fun…many websites are dedicated to helping single parents with the Holidays, just Google it!
The next three points are for you, not your kids. Holidays while being single do not have to be depressing. If it’s not your turn with the kids, do something for yourself.
8- To holiday alone, or to holiday with someone: Holidays can be a wonderful time to meet someone. All of our senses that help us attract others are heightened. We realize that we are single the most during the Holidays, while watching the other “couples” being all (couply). Still, you never want to seem desperate. It is o.k. To be outgoing and complementary though (Gee, that is a lovely Santa hat you are wearing…)
9- Its time for your bonus: This time of every year, I give my self a bonus to spend only on myself. It does not have to be Thousands of dollars, just enough to remind yourself that you should still take care of yourself. (And it is a great excuse to buy that food dehydrator you were forbidden from buying while married!)
10- Time? … I have plenty: Many organizations can use the help during the season. Check with your local municipalities for bulletin boards advertising needs for labor. It can vary from soup kitchens to wrapping gifts at the mall for a cause. This will not only contribute to the common good, it will make you feel you did something worthwhile. Plus you never know, you may meet someone who shares your unselfish attitude.
May you have the best Holiday season, and do remember its the true meaning: Forgiveness and Grace.